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2002 Note: Like its predecessors "Manifold Destiny" and "Unchaste at Any Speed," this is yet another string of the worst contrived automotive and sex puns ever collected. Again, "Sophomoric" is the perfect term, because I was actually a U of M sophomore at the time! (I think I was for several years...) Thankfully this too only lasted one episode. 

From Here to Maternity

Continuing the adventures of "Groaner" Fred Furter and Joe Kajuba

Copyright 1976, 2002 by Bruce Jaeger. All rights reserved.  (Printed in the DNF, January 1976)

     Fred and June were hanging around the house one Friday evening, as was their custom. June was hanging naked from the mantelpiece. while Fred was trying to get the camera to work.
     "Fred," said June, "You just take the tab and work it into the slot."
     "Yeah, I know," replied Fred, "But right now I'm trying to figure out this horsepoop camera."
(Fred and June liked to take pictures in the nude--they were camera buffs.)
     Fred took his 300mm zoom,, and put it in the tense holder together, then he and June adjusted their back-lighting, watched their film exposure, set their shutter speed, and generally started to develop something.
     "Fred?" asked June a few weeks later.
     "How would you like to hear the patter-patter of little feet running around the house?"'
     "You buying a dog?"
     "No, Fred. I'm pregnant."
     "You're having a dog? Boy! When you said your doctor was a vet, I thought you'd meant he'd been in the army!"
     "Stop kidding,  Daddy!"
     "Does this mean I have to sell the, Sunbeam and buy an Impala?"
     "It meant you might have to get a job…"
     "Oh .... Shit."

     The appropriate number of months later--I won't bore you with unnecessary biological details, except to say that the baby was conceived in-a fit of passion--no, a pit of fashion--no, that's in Paris--anyway, Fred and June were out competing in a Corvette club rally. June had already fallen asleep, and Fred was driving from shoulder to shoulder, hitting chuckholes for excitement, when June awoke and mentioned that she's sort of like to go to the hospital.
     "Something the matter, June?"

     It was Fred's big chance to prove what a hot-shoe driver he was--but just then a final pot-hole tore the entire ass-end out of the Sunbeam. June, after doing the sameto Fred, got a ride to the hospital with a guy delivering grandfather clocks, who got her there in plenty of time


The End

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